PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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