Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
