"it" just moved
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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