you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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