I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
