If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize