i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
