Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
