I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
