We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
