I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
