The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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