It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize