make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
