But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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