Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
