He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize