in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
