Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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