i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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