she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
