so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
