I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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