If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
