Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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