I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So many bounce houses so little time
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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