Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
