So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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