I'm gonna have a badass scar
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
