last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just high enough for therapy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
