yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
