whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
