Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
