she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
