Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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