Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
