it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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