drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
