The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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