A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
