You made me cry and you don't even care
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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