guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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