Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
