1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
