just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
ttyl tear gas
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize