i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
