a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My penis needs a shock collar
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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