Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
