I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
