Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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