and she was petting her beer can
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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