whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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