I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
