Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize