Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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