Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
