So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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