Buhtt sex?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
