Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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