my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
