you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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