Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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