My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
