A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
