I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
