What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
