I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
