There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
