Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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