God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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