Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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