NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
