when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize