just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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