I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
