he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize