I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
