dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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