Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
