is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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