dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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