I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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