i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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