The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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