I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
