Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
