the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
