i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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