We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
