i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
