decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize