fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
