the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
