I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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