Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
