I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
