if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize