I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
