So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
