I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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