My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
