there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
