Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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